Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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