just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
