Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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