yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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