What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
