i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
