we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
