Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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