Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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