There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
