i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
