I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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