But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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