I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
