btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
