BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
