My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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