I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Terrible idea I love it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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