i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
