i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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