Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize