Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
