we're blogging at a bar
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
