She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
