my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
