Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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