I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
