dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
