he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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