she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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