So drunk its hurt
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
