can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
