and she was petting her beer can
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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