Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
