Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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