Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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