That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
