i don't plan on having that self control this summer
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
