you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
