no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
