Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
