I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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