2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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