I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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