You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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