the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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