Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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