allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
