do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
