Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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