the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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