I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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