Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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