She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
