well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
