we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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