If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
