I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
