so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize