Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize