Quick, to the slutcave!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
