we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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