Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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