bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
