Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize