i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
