Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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