he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
