Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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