she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
