While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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