I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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